“When someone won’t let you in, eventually you stop knocking.”

 

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Finally! I will be home for Summer! Yebaaah!

ATM: setting up a Twitter account and Snapchat. Which one’s better? Facebook just doesn’t work with me. Oro? 

Cats, second to humans, are the greatest gift this world has. 

Having these four-legged creatures with me on bed makes life comforter. 

Good thing the Filipino cats share the same kind of hospitality Filipinos have. 

this is where we part

We are two damaged individuals. There’s no chance of healing each other, though we were hopeful. 

But perhaps, our brokenness will only break each other further. 

Yes, we were each other’s savior then. But no, we don’t need saving. You, of all people, won’t need that. 

Until our paths cross again. Until our souls meet again. 

Until then, I want you to know… you have saved me. And I wish you stayed. 

お別れ 

excerpt from the letter of goodbyes (which will soon be posted here)

I miss you but I’m a coward

If I could tell you how much I miss you and how often, you’ll grow old and get bored hearing the same thing from me over and over again. Because clearly, I miss you that much. 

And this reality, it has all the reasons and prepared all the necessary things, plotted situations and casted people who will, overall, hinder us from getting where we should. 
But for all the times, I create excuses. Well, I don’t usually get to be pleased by excuses but if it is you, I make time for it. I imagine a world dedicated for you alone. For you are the exception. Always. 
When I miss you I think of the mornings we will be waking up with arms wrapped. I think of you prepping for breakfast, my favorite fried rice. I think of you and your morning face. You whispering every word you say which makes it more sincere. 
When I miss you I think of the next life. Of the other world. Where you and I can finally be an us. Where we can be together without anyone putting us in the limelight and asking why. Where you and I are free – to love and just love. 
When I miss you I think of a future with you though I know that future is beyond this lifetime. For I cannot make you know nor you can fight what you feel inside. 
When I miss you I wish I am brave and you are, too. Because right now, we are cowards and nothing but cowards. 

Even Now

Our love was the unconventional kind. We were too similar and too diverse for each other. We knew it’s both a relief and a headache, too. 

I don’t know where to begin. One day, you will be reading these words through and be feeling the butterflies in your stomach. I wish you will be reminded of me. Because even now, you have defined almost everything in my life. And even now, I am still having a hard time redefining whatever’s left. 
Even now, when I thought the things I do have diverted me from you, I still wonder if you are still having troubles waking up. There are still mornings where I find myself wanting to call you and wake you up. There are still nights I can’t sleep and imagine you instead, then my dreams become sweeter. 
Even now, after you have chosen to be far, I still cross my fingers and wish to see you accidentally like how our souls first met. Every time I visit that particular mall, I don’t miss to stare and just stare at the exact place where we first embraced. We have attached ourselves to too many places and things that forgetting “us” may take me forever to do. 
Even now, you have found a new love, a better love, I still question myself what happened to us. I wanna ask you if you share the same love for old songs or if you also sing together. It will for sure break me to see how you are together. Even now, I still wish for you and me. 
Why we had to grow apart? Why we didn’t fight harder? We could’ve won it, right? Why we had to end it without really ending it? Perhaps we should? Or no, I never wanted to end anything. 
Even now, it’s still you. It’s still you I want to cuddle when the rain’s too heavy to play under it. It’s still you I need to hold my hand every time. It’s still your lips I want to kiss. Your chest, my favorite pillow. And your eyes I fell for. 
Even now, I love you. Until tomorrow. And if t’s true that tomorrow’s endless, then my love will be endless. And even now, I still wish you knew all these. 
Even now, when I only have the moon, my world still seeks for you. 

the end

Yatta! This is something I am happy about though it doesn’t look like but this is a happy post.

This is the start of the one I ended.

This is where I will pick whatevet and whoever I left behind to not keep them again but rather to set them aside.

My heart never gets tired until it did stop feeling anything for certain things and people.

And I had to save myself from drowning. After all, it wasn’t the sea I should be swimming at.

So this is me beginning again. Starting again…